clues at the scene

clues at the scene

Saturday, September 29, 2012


I know why Winston worked in the bathtub. I didn't fully understand it before but I do now.

I was sitting here trying to understand why we love. I've fancied love an illusion of the modern world. I suspect that is largely because I believe in the existential truth of happenstance. Sufficiently recursive systems are capable of self awareness but not of complete self-description.

Nevertheless, there is the reality of emotion and among those emotions is love.

So I ask, why and how does this happen ? How do people make that chance connection ? I've felt it happen. I don't in the least understand it. I model it after an infinite series of protein receptors of which some other molecule may fit and when it does: love. Horrible model but it fits my facts. Otherwise, I have no model at all.

So, we have love. On the other hand I reasoned was loneliness in some form - some more acute than others. Why if my model is essentially binary to we have the manifestation of different degrees of loneliness ?  Clearly loneliness is analog : sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Love I think too is less binary than I'd believe.[ I'm kind of a binary love guy. Probably, because I'm a guy.]

If there is a moderator on the level of love, then too there is the moderator on the level of loneliness (I have a character who is a little lonely I think).  What is that moderator ?

I thought about when I feel lonely. I felt about its contributing factors and its cures.

Winston was not  the most embraceable characters largely from his own portrayal and carriage. He did not share many close confidants with whom he did not also enjoy a bit of an adversarial nature. He must have felt lonely from time to time in such a state as he became increasingly aware of those around him whose perspective on the emotional world was different than his.

How would one address this feeling of isolation?

Of course - the bath. The comfort of stability and the joy of the warm water. Splashy splashy.

Complete crap of a rationalization as I apply it to a figure whose most intimate details I know very little. However, I am a writer of fiction. In essence, I lie. If I get good at this, I'll lie a lot. [ The opposite of a good intel operative who lies very little. Omission, not falsehoods].

I'm going to put a slightly lonely figure in a bathtub from time to time.

I own no bathtub at present. I'd like one from time to time in which to sit and write. Too bad my penchant is for water soluble inks and electronic word processing. Neither mix well with water (water soluble ink has saved several very expensive shirts, however).

The tub is the answer and I got there - right or wrong - thanks to Winston. Statesman. Writer's aid.

Who knew ? 


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