Friday, January 30, 2015
Do you kill 'em on the page, or off?
It doesn't matter to me personally, but it is a question of some curiosity to our members. It's a bit like classifying people by their chicken preference: white meat, or dark?
You might say "I write mysteries." Oh, very sanitized. The killings take place off-page before your novel starts? Wonderful you!
How do you do it? Maybe you shoot 'em in the basement. Are you a basement killer? I bet so. You look it!
Not me, you say. I don't put anything so sordid as the actual murder on the page.
If you have a a detective and you've given them a body, well. You're in the club. Come on in.
I've beat 'em with a hammer, pushed 'em out of helicopters, shot about a thousand. Some I even convinced to do it to themselves. Better a quick ticket out than a lingering death in the penitentiary.
Maybe you listen to Sting and kill 'em with poison. Bloodless, you see. ("Murder By Numbers" - The Police)
Drowning? Ah, the Natalie Wood ending - not that she was murdered. Fur coats and cold water don't mix. There's a lesson for us all.
I like carbon monoxide, myself. Turns 'em pink. Love a bit of color in the prose.
You should just fess up and join the Murderer's Club. We'll get jackets. At parties, we'll have something in common to discuss.
Try talking about the latest victim of your pen in the coffee shop and see where that gets you.
We should get membership cards. I wonder if Milton Bradly will let us print them on the backs of get-out-of-jail-free cards?
I never leave the house without mine.
Membership is open. Apply within. Pardon the corpses. We're a working group.